Circle of Certainty

I went swimming in the Atlantic Ocean today. It was a spontaneous decision. I went with my roommate Heather and her friends (who are becoming my friends too!) Silver and Bear.

There were tons of Hermit Crabs that we had to navigate our way through.

It was salty and cool. It was wonderful. It was a totally New England day, with the sun setting and all the families swimming and eating dinner on their beach towels and camp chairs. There were dogs and babies. It was wonderful.

School is tough and challenging and intense. I have been busy and fried. I have made some friends and even done some studying at a coffee shop while listening to spoken word. I have read some amazing articles and read some horrible articles. My teacher this week challenges me and makes me challenge him right back.

I am thinking of doing a dual track: micro and macro (Lisa, if you are reading this don't call me a hypocrite!) I have to talk to my adviser about that.

Overall- things are great. I haven't missed California much. I do miss my peeps and the work I was doing. I am anxious to get started on my internship. I miss people of color. I miss burritos at Pancho Villa. I miss my SF roommies. I am loving the beer and the lobster. I am loving being near Kristen and Vince and Mike. I am loving my new roommie and my new school friends.

I have to write why I need to be a social worker and draw a picture that illustrates it. This is kinda hard. But all I know is, I HAVE to do it. Its my passion.

"People can and will make change, if given the ability to do so." --- I believe.

fuck.

i don't even know what to think. maybe its cuz it's been five years but i seriously couldn't get it together. i lost it. i lost all hope in myself. pathetic. then that makes me angry because i know i can do it. but my mind just came up with nothing. maybe i am putting too much pressure on myself. maybe i am fucking tired. i'm going to bed.

First day of school! First day of school!!!

After my first day of school, i am feeling a lot of different things. I am thinking that i am going to have a long short year. My professor who is teaching this summer course, is very similar to a couple of professors i had in my undergraduate experience.

Last night, as i was struggling to write my first paper on how i know who i am, i became frustrated at the reoccurrence of the theme of writing about myself. I remember that as a frequent topic in my undergraduate work. I definitely needed the self reflection at the time, as i had things in my life i needed to work through. I feel like with my work in San Francisco and by sitting in class listening to where my peer group is coming from, i kind of have an idea as to how i work with people. Maybe i am being stubborn and maybe a little self righteous but i've had some pretty intense and diverse experiences that kind of makes me slightly farther along as far as my own theories for practice. Maybe i am grumpy cuz it's fucking humid and hot outside. Maybe its because i have a headache. Maybe it's the fact that my whole class is white women with the exception of one white guy with two older women and the majority of them are 23/24 year olds fresh out of their undergrad.

I know it isn't fair to compare life experiences and to measure the experience. Maybe i should just shut my mouth and not be so freaking judgemental.

I thought a lot about my clients today. I miss my work. I look forward to my internship and i think it will be a good experience.

There were some cool folks in the class. I met a girl who just did her Americorps in Missoula. There was another lady who totally reminds me of Felicia, Amy's friend from Humboldt who grew up in California. I was surprised that there were a lot of people who were doing the two year advanced standing. Like part time. I don't think i could do two years. I think i have to get a job. Lisa tells me i should get my financial aid re-evaluated and see if i could get more money. That freaks me out. I don't want to have to stress about money while i am in school. I want to be stressing about school.

Anyway. i am off to the grocery store. then laundry and reading.

Portland is beautiful.

More Pics from my trip

The Trip's End

I can't really remember where i left off... I think i was in Niagra. Am I right?

The next day i went to go check out the Falls. I drove my half hour down there from my camp site and parked on the street. There are two sides to the falls, one in Canada and one on the US side. I decided to just check it out on the US side. The entrance was sort of confusing and i was thinking that i would have to pay just to see the falls. I thought that was rediculous. I was about to pay the $33 to get into see five of the activities that they had going on at the falls. Then i thought again about my upcoming year on student loans and decided against it. I made my way down and didn't pay. (i know, i'm cheap ;))

I walk towards the edge and there they were. There were two separate falls. From the US side you get sort of a sideways angle. You get the big picture though. I stood there and took a few pictures. Then i was like... well... now i've seen Niagara Falls.

I wandered around for a little bit and got a phone call from Vince. He put it perfectly: "How long can you look at falling water?" and asked when i was going to be arriving in Northampton. It was true. How long can you look at it? It's not to say that it wasn't beautiful... it was. But after you see it, you are sort of like alright, next. My sister said, that is probably why it is such a popular honeymoon location: you look at the falls and then go back to your hotel room. Ha ha ha

I ended up purchasing some cheesy souvenirs and driving out of town. I noticed that the town was pretty sad actually. There were a lot of abandoned store fronts and dilapidated buildings. It made me feel like it used to be a thriving location but has fallen to waste after people started going to Mexico for their honeymoons. Thus is the nature of tourism i suppose.

I stopped in a little town near my campsite called Youngstown. It was super cute!!! Very New England. I drove around for a while afterwards and the houses there were HUGE!!!! A lot of wealthy folks there in Youngstown.

I headed up to Fort Niagara and explored a little bit. Tons of soccer fields. I parked by the pool and thought about going in for a swim but decided against it. I just laid on the grass and took some pictures.

After a while i headed back to my campground and wandered around there, read my book, drank some wine, and chilled out. I ate a PBJ sandwich again for dinner. haha

All in all it was pretty nice to camp by myself. I wished that i had camped at a spot with more hiking in the area. Or maybe i was just lazy and didn't want to do anything. :)

I headed to Northampton the next day. Packed up my tent, said good bye to my spot, and go back into the car. Driving through New York, i realized, it was totally beautiful. I could totally live there...

I made it to Northampton and let myself into Kristen and Vince's house as they were out babysitting Kristen's nephew in Springfield. I chilled out, checked my email as i was out of range the past couple of days.

I ended up staying in Northampton for about a week. Hanging out with Kristen and Vince. They were in the process of looking for a new car so we did some test driving. I also ended up coming down with some poison ivy. The itching and bumps started appearing that first day that i got there. Thank goodness i still had my insurance for another couple of days. The consulting nurse was very helpful and directed me in the care of my bumps. I have to say it was a very mild case considering how horrible i got it when i was a kid. My face swelled up and i had to be quarantined to the grandparents house. I got some claratin and calamine lotion. It was manageable. I explored Northampton and busted out my bike for the first time on my trip... actually for the first time in a year, sadly. Vince and i rode our bikes to go test drive the Toyota Matrix (upon my suggestion, it is the car that they are actually going to purchase).

On Sunday, Mike came up and we went to the Avett Brothers concert. It was great! We snuck into the front row from our seats on the balcony. Kristen and i were annoyed by the silly girls in front of us, but ended up having a good time despite them. :)

Afterwards, we were all pretty energized and raged it up at the Ye Olde Watering Hole. Played some free darts and pool. Apparently we drunk dialed Emily in Califorina and neither of us remembered until she texted me back the next day. Thats when you know you had a good time. :)

The next day we had grand plans of going to Rhode Island and going to the beach but ended up being broke and totally hung over so we stayed local and went to a lake near by and passed out in the sun. We all got some color while i suffered through a headache. We went back to the house and made a huge dinner and watched Paul Blart Mall Cop... Really stupid movie. There were maybe three laughs in it. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

I headed out the next day to Portland. Made it around four-ish. My roommate came home from work and we met for the first time. I met her best friend Silver also.

Heather and I ended up chopping it up in the kitchen for like an hour or so before i even started unpacking the car. She gave me a tour of the digs. The house is really nice. My room is small but nice. The dressers that i bought from her sister are beautiful and fit in the room perfectly!

Turns out the other roommate gave her notice and so i am going to be moving into the bigger room for the same price! Which will be good since i am thinking i will need to get a desk. I function better when i can hole up in my room and write my papers.

Since getting here i have been exploring the town and riding my bike. I found the gym on campus (which is right up the street!!!) and explored campus a little bit.

I decided to get Maine license and register my car here. I switched my insurance which is at least $50 cheaper! I met my supervisors for my internship and explored the facility.

I have also been doing my readings for my class on Monday (tomorrow!!!!!) and have been mulling over my ideas for my paper i have to write for the first class.

I went to sushi with Heather and Silver and her husband, Bear, which was really nice. They are all social workers too so we had a lot to talk about. I am not sure if it's an east coast thing, but the conversation didn't stop. It reminded me of Kristen and Vince, there were no lulls in things to say. Maybe it's that they are really interesting people. Who knows, but it was nice.

I am trying to be studious and do my assignments in a timely manner and stay focused. I think that it is going to take a little while to get into the swing of things.

I am in a new place and don't know anyone again. I seem to do this a lot. I guess it keeps me real. I guess i like to test myself, to make sure i can still do it. I just wonder what it will be like to stay in one place for more than three years.

I am thinking i am not sure if i am going to be coming back to California. There are so many amazing places in this country that are interesting to me, that i can see myself residing in.

Who knows where i will be in a year. But here's to some good times to come. Here's to learning and living.