So it has been a very long while since a post. And unfortunately i have not much time or energy to post anything exciting. I just wanted to send a little shout out to everyone since i have been slacking on the blog effort.

I can't believe it is October already. The leaves are changing colors here and school is getting into full swing now. I am actually procrastinating on writing a paper right at this very second. We have had a lot of rain and cooler weather. I have been trying to keep up with my four days of working out regime but am also settling for three.

I am still lovin my roommate, Heather. We lost our other one a couple weeks ago though she was only with us for like a month. It's ok that she went though cuz she seemed like she wanted to be somewhere else. Which is fine.

I have been getting into making yummy comfort food and making fires in the fireplace.

I have also been doing a bit of babysitting as well and think i have a regular gig on fridays starting after my mom comes to visit later this month.

I am going to be heading to Vermont with Kristen, Vince, and Mike this upcoming weekend. Mike's family got him a weekend at this place and he invited the three of us to come with him. I am pretty stoked on that. Then the next weekend, mom is coming to visit! It will just be a short weekend but it should be nice. I have a few things planned. :)

Anyway. Hope everyone is well out there in cyber space. I will post some pics sometime soon!

later gaters. :)

Circle of Certainty

I went swimming in the Atlantic Ocean today. It was a spontaneous decision. I went with my roommate Heather and her friends (who are becoming my friends too!) Silver and Bear.

There were tons of Hermit Crabs that we had to navigate our way through.

It was salty and cool. It was wonderful. It was a totally New England day, with the sun setting and all the families swimming and eating dinner on their beach towels and camp chairs. There were dogs and babies. It was wonderful.

School is tough and challenging and intense. I have been busy and fried. I have made some friends and even done some studying at a coffee shop while listening to spoken word. I have read some amazing articles and read some horrible articles. My teacher this week challenges me and makes me challenge him right back.

I am thinking of doing a dual track: micro and macro (Lisa, if you are reading this don't call me a hypocrite!) I have to talk to my adviser about that.

Overall- things are great. I haven't missed California much. I do miss my peeps and the work I was doing. I am anxious to get started on my internship. I miss people of color. I miss burritos at Pancho Villa. I miss my SF roommies. I am loving the beer and the lobster. I am loving being near Kristen and Vince and Mike. I am loving my new roommie and my new school friends.

I have to write why I need to be a social worker and draw a picture that illustrates it. This is kinda hard. But all I know is, I HAVE to do it. Its my passion.

"People can and will make change, if given the ability to do so." --- I believe.

fuck.

i don't even know what to think. maybe its cuz it's been five years but i seriously couldn't get it together. i lost it. i lost all hope in myself. pathetic. then that makes me angry because i know i can do it. but my mind just came up with nothing. maybe i am putting too much pressure on myself. maybe i am fucking tired. i'm going to bed.

First day of school! First day of school!!!

After my first day of school, i am feeling a lot of different things. I am thinking that i am going to have a long short year. My professor who is teaching this summer course, is very similar to a couple of professors i had in my undergraduate experience.

Last night, as i was struggling to write my first paper on how i know who i am, i became frustrated at the reoccurrence of the theme of writing about myself. I remember that as a frequent topic in my undergraduate work. I definitely needed the self reflection at the time, as i had things in my life i needed to work through. I feel like with my work in San Francisco and by sitting in class listening to where my peer group is coming from, i kind of have an idea as to how i work with people. Maybe i am being stubborn and maybe a little self righteous but i've had some pretty intense and diverse experiences that kind of makes me slightly farther along as far as my own theories for practice. Maybe i am grumpy cuz it's fucking humid and hot outside. Maybe its because i have a headache. Maybe it's the fact that my whole class is white women with the exception of one white guy with two older women and the majority of them are 23/24 year olds fresh out of their undergrad.

I know it isn't fair to compare life experiences and to measure the experience. Maybe i should just shut my mouth and not be so freaking judgemental.

I thought a lot about my clients today. I miss my work. I look forward to my internship and i think it will be a good experience.

There were some cool folks in the class. I met a girl who just did her Americorps in Missoula. There was another lady who totally reminds me of Felicia, Amy's friend from Humboldt who grew up in California. I was surprised that there were a lot of people who were doing the two year advanced standing. Like part time. I don't think i could do two years. I think i have to get a job. Lisa tells me i should get my financial aid re-evaluated and see if i could get more money. That freaks me out. I don't want to have to stress about money while i am in school. I want to be stressing about school.

Anyway. i am off to the grocery store. then laundry and reading.

Portland is beautiful.

More Pics from my trip

The Trip's End

I can't really remember where i left off... I think i was in Niagra. Am I right?

The next day i went to go check out the Falls. I drove my half hour down there from my camp site and parked on the street. There are two sides to the falls, one in Canada and one on the US side. I decided to just check it out on the US side. The entrance was sort of confusing and i was thinking that i would have to pay just to see the falls. I thought that was rediculous. I was about to pay the $33 to get into see five of the activities that they had going on at the falls. Then i thought again about my upcoming year on student loans and decided against it. I made my way down and didn't pay. (i know, i'm cheap ;))

I walk towards the edge and there they were. There were two separate falls. From the US side you get sort of a sideways angle. You get the big picture though. I stood there and took a few pictures. Then i was like... well... now i've seen Niagara Falls.

I wandered around for a little bit and got a phone call from Vince. He put it perfectly: "How long can you look at falling water?" and asked when i was going to be arriving in Northampton. It was true. How long can you look at it? It's not to say that it wasn't beautiful... it was. But after you see it, you are sort of like alright, next. My sister said, that is probably why it is such a popular honeymoon location: you look at the falls and then go back to your hotel room. Ha ha ha

I ended up purchasing some cheesy souvenirs and driving out of town. I noticed that the town was pretty sad actually. There were a lot of abandoned store fronts and dilapidated buildings. It made me feel like it used to be a thriving location but has fallen to waste after people started going to Mexico for their honeymoons. Thus is the nature of tourism i suppose.

I stopped in a little town near my campsite called Youngstown. It was super cute!!! Very New England. I drove around for a while afterwards and the houses there were HUGE!!!! A lot of wealthy folks there in Youngstown.

I headed up to Fort Niagara and explored a little bit. Tons of soccer fields. I parked by the pool and thought about going in for a swim but decided against it. I just laid on the grass and took some pictures.

After a while i headed back to my campground and wandered around there, read my book, drank some wine, and chilled out. I ate a PBJ sandwich again for dinner. haha

All in all it was pretty nice to camp by myself. I wished that i had camped at a spot with more hiking in the area. Or maybe i was just lazy and didn't want to do anything. :)

I headed to Northampton the next day. Packed up my tent, said good bye to my spot, and go back into the car. Driving through New York, i realized, it was totally beautiful. I could totally live there...

I made it to Northampton and let myself into Kristen and Vince's house as they were out babysitting Kristen's nephew in Springfield. I chilled out, checked my email as i was out of range the past couple of days.

I ended up staying in Northampton for about a week. Hanging out with Kristen and Vince. They were in the process of looking for a new car so we did some test driving. I also ended up coming down with some poison ivy. The itching and bumps started appearing that first day that i got there. Thank goodness i still had my insurance for another couple of days. The consulting nurse was very helpful and directed me in the care of my bumps. I have to say it was a very mild case considering how horrible i got it when i was a kid. My face swelled up and i had to be quarantined to the grandparents house. I got some claratin and calamine lotion. It was manageable. I explored Northampton and busted out my bike for the first time on my trip... actually for the first time in a year, sadly. Vince and i rode our bikes to go test drive the Toyota Matrix (upon my suggestion, it is the car that they are actually going to purchase).

On Sunday, Mike came up and we went to the Avett Brothers concert. It was great! We snuck into the front row from our seats on the balcony. Kristen and i were annoyed by the silly girls in front of us, but ended up having a good time despite them. :)

Afterwards, we were all pretty energized and raged it up at the Ye Olde Watering Hole. Played some free darts and pool. Apparently we drunk dialed Emily in Califorina and neither of us remembered until she texted me back the next day. Thats when you know you had a good time. :)

The next day we had grand plans of going to Rhode Island and going to the beach but ended up being broke and totally hung over so we stayed local and went to a lake near by and passed out in the sun. We all got some color while i suffered through a headache. We went back to the house and made a huge dinner and watched Paul Blart Mall Cop... Really stupid movie. There were maybe three laughs in it. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

I headed out the next day to Portland. Made it around four-ish. My roommate came home from work and we met for the first time. I met her best friend Silver also.

Heather and I ended up chopping it up in the kitchen for like an hour or so before i even started unpacking the car. She gave me a tour of the digs. The house is really nice. My room is small but nice. The dressers that i bought from her sister are beautiful and fit in the room perfectly!

Turns out the other roommate gave her notice and so i am going to be moving into the bigger room for the same price! Which will be good since i am thinking i will need to get a desk. I function better when i can hole up in my room and write my papers.

Since getting here i have been exploring the town and riding my bike. I found the gym on campus (which is right up the street!!!) and explored campus a little bit.

I decided to get Maine license and register my car here. I switched my insurance which is at least $50 cheaper! I met my supervisors for my internship and explored the facility.

I have also been doing my readings for my class on Monday (tomorrow!!!!!) and have been mulling over my ideas for my paper i have to write for the first class.

I went to sushi with Heather and Silver and her husband, Bear, which was really nice. They are all social workers too so we had a lot to talk about. I am not sure if it's an east coast thing, but the conversation didn't stop. It reminded me of Kristen and Vince, there were no lulls in things to say. Maybe it's that they are really interesting people. Who knows, but it was nice.

I am trying to be studious and do my assignments in a timely manner and stay focused. I think that it is going to take a little while to get into the swing of things.

I am in a new place and don't know anyone again. I seem to do this a lot. I guess it keeps me real. I guess i like to test myself, to make sure i can still do it. I just wonder what it will be like to stay in one place for more than three years.

I am thinking i am not sure if i am going to be coming back to California. There are so many amazing places in this country that are interesting to me, that i can see myself residing in.

Who knows where i will be in a year. But here's to some good times to come. Here's to learning and living.

I am still here...

Well, I have totally been sucking about updating all of you on the details of my cross country adventure. I fell off the bandwagon when i injured my back in Denver.

I had a phenomenal time hanging out with Pam and Amanda and Ted and Emilly. I am sort of toying with the idea of moving there after graduation. Pam tells me that Colorado is a stimulus state; thus job availability. Hopefully the economy is better when i am done with school. It is only a short 11 months from now. Wow, i haven't even started yet.

I really enjoyed the laid back feeling of Denver. It was a nice change from San Francisco and even the east bay. Sometimes its hard for me to keep with being "cool". It was also nice to be with Pam. She's pretty much one of the coolest people i know. Its like so familial when we are together. We pick up right where we left off. It would be nice to be out of the strained economy of California but still be near "family".

Due to the fact that my back was all awry, we didn't do much active stuff in Denver. We did a lot of hanging out and shooting the shit. Which is what we do best. Got to hang with Ted and Emilly before they took off to Hawaii, which was awesome. It's always good to hang out with those folks. I am looking forward to their wedding in September and the Seattle crew reunion that is gonna go down two weekends in a row!

I headed out of Denver towards Ann Arbor on Thursday. I made it as far as Des Moines Iowa. Iowa is pretty. Lots of corn. But very lush. There were a lot of big trucks too. I took some pictures of hay for my sister who points out hay by saying "Hay!" every time she sees it. It never ceases to amuse her. (Which in turn amuses me because she is such a nerd. :))

I stayed in a hotel in Des Moines. My back was a little stiff so i didn't do anything but order Mexican food from a local restaurant and then go back to my room and watch lost on my laptop. I brought my netflix with me (random). I did manage to drink a much needed beer at the bar at the mexican restaurant while they made my food to go. Ten hours in the car really takes a toll on the psyche. I kept seeing landscape flying past my peripheral every time i would close my eyes. I popped a muscle relaxer and crashed out. Thank god for air conditioning.

I headed out for another long day of driving the next day; slating to arrive in Ann Arbor by early evening.

Driving through Chicago was a nightmare. Road construction and tons of big trucks made me feel so small and unsafe on foreign highways. My truck made the trip and steered me directly to Ann Arbor. Michigan drivers are awful! They will run right up to your bumper and drive impatiently until you move out of their way. I was talking to Vince about it and he was saying it's the car culture. Which totally makes sense. The Ford industry started in Detroit and EVERYBODY drives giving them a crazy sense of entitlement on the road.

I make it to Ann Arbor and Lisa meets me on her huge porch and we enjoy some wine and catch up conversation. It was good to see her. You know good friends by the fact that you are able to pick up right where you left off without any awkwardness. Again i have to reiterate the relationships i made in Seattle. We created family with each other. Most of us were transplants with blood relatives thousands of miles away. There is something to be said about that.

Lisa and i head over to her Social Work Department's kick ball game. We just watch and Lisa plays photographer. We get complimentary shirts. I am sitting on the bleachers making my occasional smart-ass remarks (as you all know i am prone to ;)) and i look around and am thinking that my eyes are tired from the road but then i realize there are fireflies out. This is my first experience seeing them. They are just like brief flashes of light floating out between trees. I gasp and smile. During my drive i crossed over into east coast time. I am more than half way to my destination. I am still in denial that i am not going to end up in California at the end of this adventure but fucking a... the fireflies are amazing right now!!!!!!

After the kickball game we head on down to the bars for a bar crawl with the social work department. I hang out with some of Lisa's folks who are all really awesome. We have a good time do a little dancing (i know i know). Conversations are great.

After a while Lisa and i head back to her house and crash out.

The next day is filled with pedicures, exploring Ann Arbor, some shopping, with periodic stops to hang out on the porch. We spontaneously head to a barbeque at a friends house and then go watch "Away We Go" with Lisa's roommate Meghan. Really awesome. Makes me love Jim even more. :)

I take off on Sunday and head to New York near Niagra Falls via Canada. As i enter Canada, it starts raining and as i pass through the border it starts POURING! Thank goodness i put RainX on my windshield before leaving California, otherwise my two setting windshield wipers wouldn't have even made a dent in the downpour. Luckily Rita (my truck) and i make it through and the sun peeps through. I navigate my way over to the other side of the small piece of Canada i scheduled to traverse on this trip. I arrive in Hamilton which is where i am supposed to change highways to take the last leg back into the U.S. and i get re-routed down city streets along with the rest of the travelers. After several more re-routings and an hour and a half of aimless wandering through the slums of Hamilton Ontario; past housing projects and abandoned storefronts, and an increasing sense of frustration on my part. I follow a street that, on my map, goes in the same general direction i am supposed to be going, i randomly stumble across the freeway that i was supposed to catch earlier in the day. Turns out, due to the crazy downpour i drove through earlier in the day, the freeway interchanges were all flooded and there was no way to get out of the city via the highway. I am so thankful for the huge atlas that i bought for this trip with a zoomed image of the city of Hamilton and for my increasingly amazing sense of direction. :) (tooting my own horn)

I make it to the border and some douchebag border patrol guy with a power complex lets me through and back into the U.S. after witnessing some racial profiling in the toll booth next to mine. A car with a black family gets surrounded with guards and the driver taken into the offices next to the toll booths. I may be speculating, but it was a little too coincidental for a social worker from California not to read into.

I take a leisurely drive up to my campsite that i will be staying at for the next couple nights. I check in and set up my tent. I had struggled with the polls when i tried to set it up at my cousins house before i left so i was slightly nervous about the set up. It was a piece of cake. The polls went right into the holes easily. I celebrated my success with a little "woot woot!"

I explored my campground and took some pictures before the thunder and lightning started and the ominous grey clouds moved in. I headed into my tent just as the rain began to fall. I read my book and was grateful to not be moving for the next day or so. Long days of driving get to be a little much on the body after a while.

When the rain passed, i made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner and hung out a while. It was cooler there so that was a relief and i wore my sweatshirt for the first time on the trip. I took a muscle relaxer and headed to bed.